Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
