I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize