Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
