I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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