if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
