I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
