I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
