I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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