Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
