HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
