Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
