Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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