He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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