I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
