how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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