Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
