I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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