My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
In America we eat man semen.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
