I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
