I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
