I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
