I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
