She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
