Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize