Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize