I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
