sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
