also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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