I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
