You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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