He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
