Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When are your genitals available?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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