I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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