I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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