there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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