HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
a search helicopter?!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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