Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
