Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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