So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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