Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
