I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
