You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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