the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize