Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
