this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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