so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she woke up with a sticky ear
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize