as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
