It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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