That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
