You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
