in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
