I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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