I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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