I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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