Are we in a gay sports bar?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
