It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize