I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Come on in and take your pants off
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