Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's rum buckets o'clock
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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