She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
