Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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