You're my little dorito
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
