dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
