How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
