I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need a hoe opinion
go on
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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