wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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