he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize