She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
