guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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