Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Bring me that man meat
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
